Monthly Archives: May 2014

Rednecks: You can dress ’em up, take ’em out but in the end, they’re still rednecks

MY DADDY USED  to say that you should never try to teach a pig to sing—it wastes your time and annoys the pig. The same can be said about attempting to tame a redneck—it’s possible, but it’s going to take … Continue reading

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Redneckedness: It’s more than doodle dust down the front of your shirt…

CONTRARY TO POPULAR opinion, I do not up and marry every cowboy who asks me. The first time I was proposed to traumatized both me and my mama, and it certainly did not end with a big white dress flowin’ … Continue reading

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Getting fired at McDonald’s and Maya Angelou: Because sometimes words aren’t enough

I LISTENED TO  a young man get fired at McDonald’s yesterday. In the middle of the crowded restaurant, the manager sat him down and told him she was going to “have to let him go.” Then she told him to … Continue reading

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Hummingbird feather or dyer lint . . . either way, I win.

LOOK! I FOUND a hummingbird feather? CHAP: Let’s see it. ME: *shows him teeny tiny hummingbird feather* CHAP: That’s dryer lint. ME: Then why was it on the hummingbird feeder? CHAP: *shrug* Maybe they learned to clean out the dryer … Continue reading

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Drunken hummingbirds and catfish on Prozac: I’m not the only one with issues around here

SO, TODAY I was listening to the news on NPR, and discovered what I already highly suspected–my catfish are high. Or at least highly sedated. It turns out that scientists in Sweden found found low-levels of an anti-anxiety drugs are … Continue reading

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If you don’t hunt it down & kill it, it will hunt you down & kill you–maybe. Or, you can kick it in its big hairy ass.

“IF YOU DON’T hunt it down and kill it, it will hunt you down and kill you.” ― Flannery O’Connor Okay. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. It may only hunt you down and maim you. Either way it deserves a stint … Continue reading

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Marlowe’s got the zoomies, a squirrel’s talking to a cardinal & I’m having a panic attack over a few phone calls. Why?

SO FOR THE past few days, I’ve been tap-dancing on the edge of a panic attack. And why? From the outside, my life looks perfect. I’m writing again and it’s going well. I’ve got so much to be thankful for, … Continue reading

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