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No country for old men. Or city girls. Or pissed off pussy cats

ALL OF CHAP’S brothers and sisters (there are 12 of them) are taking turns at the family homestead to look after his 88-year-old dad after he had his gall bladder out. Watching them when they’re together is like watching a well-oiled machine. When any one of the clan falls on a hard time, they’re all there and battle-ready, to change bandages, empty catheters, cook, clean and whatever else needs to be done.

Chap’s brothers and sisters got together and bought the old homestead–the house and land where their great-grandfather was born, and one of his brothers and wife got together and spiffed up the old German-style stone house, adding on so that it’s a place big enough for all of for birthdays, weddings, holidays and even gall bladder surgery.

Chap’s great uncle, a sheep shearer, slept on the screen porch, because the house is situated for passive energy, and the porches always have a cool breeze blowing in off the garden . . .

 

Now the front porch is rocked in, and that’s where Opa hangs out when he’s “stays in The Big House,” and where Fernando, who Opa calls “The Man Nurse,” checked his breathing .  . .

While I was busy doing laundry and getting bit by a rotten spider, Chap tilled the four gardens up near the house with a brand new tiller that needs to go back, because he had to rodeo the damn thing the whole time

 

And in between taking care of Opa, I doctored his cats for ear mites–which made for a pair of pissed off pussy cats

Icarus is mad . . .

 

and so is Othello, who said, “pbllllllllth . . .

And I said pbllllllllth too when that stupid spider bit me :(

And as soon as we got finished with our outside chores, it started pouring down rain, with thunder and lightning crashing so close it shook the whole house . . .

And made for a beautiful sunset . . .

MY TA TAs HAVEN’T had this much attention since high school . . .

MY TA TAs HAVEN’T had this much attention since high school.

back in the day . . .

 

That rotten spider bite has had me in the emergency room three times in the last three days, and I’m ready for a nice, quiet day at home. If you’ve never had a scalpel plunged an inch-deep in your right boobie three days in a row, I will tell you right now–I don’t recommend it.

Chap has been quiet about it, and has taken up cooking and carrying on around the house, but when I got home from the doctor yesterday, he finally spoke up.

“Hey,” he finally said as he set chicken-fried venison on the table and we settled in to eat. “It’s not going to leave a scar, is it?”

It’s good to have priorities . . .

Now that really bites: at least it wasn’t a Brown Recluse . . .

WE SPENT A couple of days looking after Chap’s 88-year-old dad as he’s recovering from surgery–doing the whole making soup, feeding the cattle, helping urinary catheter-empty trick–you know. The usual. And everything was okey-dokey, until I started doing laundry and met a guy who looked like this . . .

of course, that’s not him . . . the real culprit is dead on the laundry room floor. But not before he jumped out of the pile of jeans and into my bra, where he bit the living crap out of me.

I yelped–okay–I screamed and stomped the shit out of him, but not before I got a good look at him so I could make sure he wasn’t a brown recluse.

I was bitten by a recluse in 2002. I’d just gotten back from a search and rescue mission, and I was so tired that instead of putting my clothes into a garbage bag and knotting the top of the bag like you’re supposed to do, I stripped right next to the bed, took a quick shower and hit the sack. And so did the brown recluse.

He bit me right on the cheek about four inches below my left eye–got a nice two-week stay in the hospital and a scar, that, as it turns out, is right smack in my dimple, so you can barely see it.

So what would be the odds of being bitten by another dangerous/deadly spider?

Probably a once in a lifetime thing for most people. Apparently, not for me. I went to the ER this morning, hoping I wouldn’t need surgery, but of course, they rushed me right in and took a scalpel to the area just beneath my right arm, drained it and packed it with gauze and told me to take a sponge bath tonight, ’cause I’m not supposed to get it wet.

Of course, Chap is upset, not only because I got hurt, but also because it’s very close to one of his favorite body parts . . .

Fine by me. If he feels that strongly about it, next time, he can do the laundry . . .

 

Of Cupids and MoonPies . . . an Austin Valentine story . . .

I WAS WALKING down South Congress on my lunch hour, running an “emergency errand” for my mother and trying in vain to keep my skirt from flying up in the chilly mid-winter wind—a neat trick when you’re juggling canvas bags chock full of Mama’s wish list. La Mexicana cherry empanadas, an Uncommon Objects vintage turquoise necklace and a pair of red cowboy boots from Allen’s? Seriously?

“Mama,” I’d told her when she called me this morning. “This kinda list would of taken you all day—why didn’t you get it when you were there?”

“Hmph,” she huffed. “Now, Caroline, honey, all that shopping tired me out. And you know how it is—if you don’t get it quick, it’ gone, and I just can’t live another day without those boots!”

With Mama’s very life in my hands, I took an early lunch to hustle down Congress, cranky and getting crankier by the wind gust.

February in Austin is known for its legendary weather whiplash, and I would’ve chosen a more wind-appropriate skirt, had I known I’d be trotting around downtown with Mama’s To Do List.

And just as a gust of wind whooshed up the back of my skirt, I saw them.

Hovering around the Hey Cupcake food trailer like a swarm of rabid honeybees—a flock of Cupids. They were perfectly smooth, like creepy little baby dolls sprung to life, naked as the day they were born, complete with cotton candy pink hair and tiny flapping wings, and they were dive-bombing cupcake customers.

Beneath the food trailer awning, two women huddled, clutching their cupcake bags to their bosoms, waiting for the Cupid cluster to pass.

Good luck with that, ladies.

Judging from the frosting all over their chubby little faces, I assumed their aim was fairly accurate—but then, I’ve never met a Cupid who could resist pink icing.

“Shit!” I swore, ducking into a doorway.

I’d been seeing them more frequently over the past two weeks—always six or seven of them, always hovering around, sometimes with their little sparkling silver bows poised, ready to strike.

And let me tell you, there are few things in life more frightening than a bunch of naked flying babies armed with sharp objects and looking for love.

As I reached for the door of the shop, one of the little buggers spotted me, and a shpring! sound whizzed right by me, spraying a shower of silver sparkles as the tiny silver arrow stabbed into the wall, wobbling near my right temple.

My breath caught and my eyes widened, realizing another six inches to the left and it would have hit me right above the nose.

Panicking, I shoved the shop door open and nearly fell inside, slamming the door shut as the little Cupid kamikazed right into the paned glass.

I watched in horror as it ricocheted off the glass.

“Are you okay?” I yelped to the Cupid, and I started to re-open the door when the little beast shook its head like a dog shaking off water. Stunned but not hurt, it floated back a few feet, little sparkling hearts ringing around his curly little head.

“Boy, he wants you bad,” a voice behind me said, and I whirled around to find a petite woman with a short cap of bright red hair and green, green eyes. She’d been watching me, an ironic smile tugging the left corner of her crimson lips.

“You see him?” I said, my voice sounding ridiculously high. I’d been seeing Cupids for two weeks, and every time I screamed, Hey! There’s a Cupid! everyone thought I was nuts.

The woman tilted her head slightly and smiled a mysterious smile.

“Of course I see them,” she said, and as she marched toward me, I took a step back and was startled when she snatched the bag of sweet empanadas I’d been clutching, opened the door a crack and tossed them out the door.

I blinked as she slammed the door shut, shoving the deadbolt home.

Outside, the Cupid dived on the empanadas and devoured them, bag and all.

“Cherry,” she said. “Big mistake. Cupids can’t resist cherry.”

I watched her as she kept a wary eye on the Cupid. Her hair was short along the front and back, but long over her ears, with pale skin revealing a simple necklace-type tattoo around her neck.

Some kind of Celtic tattoo seemed to dance around her left biceps.

Tattoos are almost a rite of passage in Austin, along with tie-died hair and unimaginable body piercings, but there was something about her . . . I cut my gaze back do the door. “I . . . thought he was after the cupcake trailer. I guess he smelled the empanada.”

“I suppose,” she said, turning back to a mannequin she’d been dressing in pink and green tulle when I’d barged in. “A whole flock of them hijacked a truck of MoonPies I ordered last week. They floated around the store mocking me, with chocolate and marshmallow all over their faces. Name’s Tink.”

“Caroline McGinnis,” I said and tipped my head and smiled. “Tink?”

I waited for her last name.

She smiled a very white smile with very small teeth, ignoring the implied question and said, “Welcome to Crush.”

I nodded, looking around the funky little clothing-jewelry-vintage boutique, a little relieved but still on edge. For two weeks now, the Cupid had been after me.

“I, uh, thank you,” I stuttered, finally allowing myself to breathe.

The Cupid drifted menacingly in front of the shop door, peering in over the gilded-reverse letters with its robin’s egg-blue, pupil-less eyes.

She laughed. “Yeah, they do have a sweet tooth, and it kicks into high gear about three weeks before Valentine’s Day.”

She smiled, stopped fussing with the mannequin and pointed to an overstuffed love seat and said, “Here, sit for a minute and breathe. I’ve got a few MoonPies left in the office fridge . . . ”

I sat, trying to control my pulse as she turned toward the back office, and I noticed a strange tattoo across both shoulder blades as she disappeared behind a beaded curtain.

I was beginning to settle and listened to my body, which was still on high alert. I hadn’t eaten anything since the Dr. Oz-recommended Greek yogurt I’d had for breakfast, and I fumed at the now-gone Cupid who’d eaten Mama’s empanadas—one of which had had my name on it . . . when Bam, another Cupid—not my Cupid–slammed against the door.

I yelped, jumped out of the chair and rushed to make sure the door was locked when it flew open and a tall, dark haired man flew through the door, slamming into me. He couldn’t catch our fall so he wrapped his arms around me and twisted, mid-air, so that it was his back that hit the old oaken floor, with me on top of him.

“You okay?” he said and I shook my head, staring at him, and I had the feeling that we’d met before.

“Just, uh, got the wind knocked out of me.”

The first Cupid fluttered back to the storefront, and both made a run at the door, just as Tink shot out of the back, leapt over both of us, holding a tray of MoonPie and Coca Colas, and did twisting kick that slammed the door shut on both Cupids.

She didn’t spill a thing.

She turned and smiled as though dive bombing Cupids was an every day occurrence and said, “Y’all okay?”

The Cupids floated, chubby faces pressed to the pane like little kids staring into a candy store as the peered at the MoonPie.

Tink went to the door, flipped the “Open” sign to “Closed” and zipped the blinds shut.

We all waited, listening to the rapid flutter of wings. The three of us remained silent until the fluttering quieted and vanished.

“Are they gone?” I said, and Tink shook her head.

“Nope. They’re waiting.”

We were all quiet and Tink stood, staring down at us as we lay there on the floor—me still on top of the man.

“Hello,” he said and grinned. His dark hair was side-parted, his eyes ocean-blue and his smile was stunning.

Something pinged inside my solar plexus and I just stared at him. I couldn’t move

His smile widened and he said, “Tom Donovan.”

He leaned forward a little, tried to offer me his hand I realized I was still laying on top of him.

Did he just smell my hair?

“Oh, uh, sorry, I’ll just uh . . .” I mumbled my apologies and rolled to my left, my cheeks burning with self-consciousness. I rose to my knees and he rolled, knelt and faced me, not moving.

With a sigh as though her work was never done, Tink put the tray of Cokes and the MoonPies the counter and moved toward us, offering each of us a hand.

Her grip was surprisingly strong for such a small, delicate looking woman.

“Um, hi,” I stuttered, clambering to get myself upright and steady myself on my high heels while smoothing my skirt down over my butt.

“They’re after you too, huh?”

“Hm?”

“The Cupids. They’ve been chasing me for two weeks.” He leaned forward, and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, sending a little shower of silver fireworks over my entire body.

I blinked. “You’ve seen them? The Cupids?”

He grinned and my knees went weak.

Tink sat, perched on an upholstered stool by the counter, eating cherries from a small, antique silver bowl and watching us like she was watching a movie.

“They’ve been after me for three years now. They always step up the threat level right around Valentine’s Day.”

I stood, staring at him while butterflies ricocheted around my stomach. Damn Cupid. Must have gotten some of those sparkles on me.  I tried to speak and was completely tongue-tied, and only managed, “H-how . . . ?”

He shook his head, took me by my elbow and steered me toward the loveseat. “My dad,” he said. “I’ve been divorced for nearly three years now, and he says time’s a-wasting.”

I stared at him, not understanding.

His smile widened. “You’re new at this,” he chuckled, and hiked a hip onto the display of vintage gloves arranged on a table in the center of the store. “Every Valentine’s Day, a few rogue Cupids go off-grid and take bribes.”

“Money?”

He shook his head. “Candy, milkshakes, ice cream,” he said. “They’ve got no use for money. But their sweet tooth can lead them astray.”

My mouth fell open and I felt the tumblers in the back of my brain clicking into place. “My mother!”

He grinned. “Most likely. How long’s it been?”

I raised a brow.

“Since your divorce,” he said, talking to me like I was very young or very stupid.

“Oh, uh, almost a year,” I stammered.

“That sounds about right,” he said and I frowned.

“I was divorced almost a year before they started harassing me,” he said, and I winced when my stomach growled.

“Haven’t eaten, yet, huh?” he said, and unwrapped a MoonPie and offered it to me.

I smiled all the way up to my eyes as I accepted the chocolate-covered marshmallow treat. “I haven’t had one of thee since I was a little girl.”

“Want one?” he said to Tink, and she shook her head. “Nope—never touch the stuff.”

I shot her a quizzical look and she smiled. “My clients love them,” she said and shrugged mysteriously. “There’s something magical in a MoonPie.”

I looked around the shop then—my first good look, and saw that Tink took her magic seriously.

In addition to the vintage furniture, clothes and jewelry, crystals and unusual stones were strewn about on all surfaces and dried herbs were tucked away in charming little antique apothecary jars.

“Is this a kind of Cupid hangout?” I said and Tink laughed, and her laugh sounded like tinkling bells, which I supposed was how she got her nickname.

“Not really,” she said, her arms spread wide toward a shelf of crystals and stones. “but it is kind of a faery haven.”

I cocked a brow. “But they’re Cupids, not fairies.”

She laughed again. “Oh, Caroline. There are all kinds of faeries, and Cupids are just one kind.”

Tom frowned now and said, “You’re kidding.”

She shook her head. “There are the faeries that you think of when you think of faeries like you see in traditional lore—the wee folk who work earth-majic, and Leprechauns—greedy little buggers who steal things, then there are dark faeries who are beautiful but swarm like mosquitoes. They bite.”

“So,” I said, frowning. “Cupids are fairies?”

“In a way, they hold the most magic,” she said. “They can channel love.”

“I don’t know,” Tom said skeptically, “they’ve been after me for three years now and haven’t hit me yet. Nobody can ‘create’ love.”

Tink just smiled, because as he said this, he was looking at me, like he couldn’t take his eyes off me and I blushed.

There was something oddly appealing about his square jaw, dark hair and light eyes. He was dressed in faded jeans that molded to his muscular body, and a black tee shirt that fit so well it could cause traffic violations.

“Were you out to lunch?” he asked, looking at my bags.

“Yes,” I said, ducking my head. “Well sort of. My mother sent me out on a so-called shoe emergency.”

He grinned. “Let’s see this emergency.”

Smiling, I rummaged through one of the bags and produced the red boots.

“Ah,” he said. “I can see how the absence of red cowboy boots could lead to a life and death situation.”

I looked at the boots and it clicked. “She set me up!”

He smiled. “Well, when we get out of here, we can walk down to my restaurant.”

“You own a restaurant?”

“Even better,” he said. “I’m a chef.”

“Wow,” I said.

Way to go, Caroline–Mistress of Witty Reparte. But I couldn’t stop thinking of him, broad-chested and masculine as hell, stoking the fire under flaming pan of cherries jubilee and a pleasant little chill shivered down my spine.

“I’d love to,” I said. “But what do we do about the Cupids?”

Tink said, “They won’t leave unless one of three conditions are met.”

We both turned to look at her.

“Either you find love, or wait them out. At midnight, they shift form.”

“Shift form?” I said.

She nodded. “They turn back into humans until the next Valentine’s Day.”

Tom frowned. “You mean, they walk around the world, just like the rest of us?”

Tink smiled. “All faeries do. There are more things in Heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosphies.”

“Shakespeare,” Tom said and Tink grinned.

“There is another alternative,” Tink said, and I raised my brows.

“You could offer them a diversion.”

“What, like candy?” I said and Tink shook her head.

“No, they’re too far into their contract. You’d each have to offer them a substitute.”

I blinked, and Tom and I turned to each other at the exact time and I said, “Mama,” just as he said, “Dad.”

We grinned, and pulled out our cell phones.

“Wait,” I said. “If Cupids could force people to fall in love . . .”

Tink smiled. “It doesn’t work like that. If there wasn’t a spark already there, their majic wouldn’t work.”

I nodded and smiled, and called my mother.

Tom said, “Hey, can I buy these MoonPies?”

Tink shook her head. “No, but you can have them.”

And then he reached over and scooped my bags over one arm and grabbed the tray of treats. With the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear, he ushered me to the door, opened it and said, “Dad?”

He held the MoonPies out like bait, and the two Cupids appeared as if from nowhere.

Tink escorted us out to the sidewalk, where she said, “Good luck.”

And she brushed some silver sparkles off my shoulder.

 

 

Cupid’s Hit List: A new short story for the romantically challenged

I’VE HAD A story about a group of rogue cupids, roaming the streets of Austin, twinging arrows at poor, unsuspecting Central Texas

"If you see cupid, please bitch slap him for me . . ."~ Cupid's Hit List

singles pinging around in the back of my brain for almost a year now, and last night, I started writing.

I’ve loved this story about a flock of corrupt cupids who are bribed by frustrated moms and helicopter dads who bribe the Love Fairy to aim their arrows at their love-challenged offspring, but until last night, it hadn’t really come together . . .

Look for the rest on Amazon at midnight!

From Cupid’s Hit List:

I WAS STROLLING down South Congress on my lunch hour, running an “emergency errand” for my mother and trying in vain to keep my skirt from flying up in the chilly mid-winter wind—a neat trick when you’re juggling canvas bags chock full of Mama’s wish list. La Mexicana empanadas, an Uncommon Objects vintage turquoise necklace and a pair of red cowboy boots from Allen’s? Seriously?

“Mama,” I’d told her when she called me this morning. “This kinda list would of taken you all day—why didn’t you get it when you were there?”

“Hmph,” she huffed. “All that shopping tired me out. And you know how it is—if you don’t get it quick, it’ gone, and I just can’t live another day without those boots!”

With Mama’s very life in my hands, I took an early lunch to hustle down Congress, cranky and getting crankier by the wind gust.

February in Austin is known for its legendary weather whiplash, and I would’ve chosen a more wind-appropriate skirt, had I known I’d be trotting around downtown with Mama’s To Do List.

And just as a gust of wind whooshed up the back of my skirt, I saw them.

Hovering around the Hey Cupcake food trailer like a swarm of rabid honeybees—a flock of cupids. They were, like creepy little plastic Walmart dolls sprung to life, naked as the day they were born, complete with cotton candy pink hair and tiny flapping wings, and they were dive-bombing cupcake customers.

Beneath the food trailer awning, two women huddled, clutching their cupcake bags to their bosoms, waiting for the cupid cluster to pass.

Good luck with that, ladies.

Judging from the frosting all over their chubby little faces, I assumed their aim was fairly accurate—but then, I’ve never met a cupid who could resist pink icing.

“Shit!” I swore, ducking into a doorway.

I’d been seeing them more frequently over the past two weeks—always six or seven of them, always hovering around, sometimes with their little sparkling silver bows poised, ready to strike.

And let me tell you, there are few things in life more frightening than a bunch of naked flying babies armed with sharp objects and looking for love.

As I reached for the door of the shop, one of the little buggers spotted me, and sprhing! sound whizzed right by me, spraying a shower of silver sparkles as the tiny silver arrow wobbled, wedged into the mottled brick wall.

My eyes widened, realizing another six inches and it would have hit me right between the eyes.

“Help!” I squeaked, shoving open the door to rush inside, slamming it shut as the little cupid kamikazed right into the paned glass.

I watched in horror as it ricocheted off the glass. Stunned but not hurt, the creature floated back a few feet, little sparkling hearts ringing around his curly little head.

“He won’t stop you know,” a voice behind me said, and I whirled around to find a young blonde woman with short-cropped hair and green, green eyes watching me, a small smile tugging at her crimson lips. “Once the cupid’s got a hit out on you, you’re pretty much a goner.”

“You could see him?” I said, my voice sounding ridiculously high. I’d been seeing them for two weeks, and everyone so far thought I was nuts.

“Of course I can see them,” she said, her eyes twinkling with humor. “Come in and see if you can wait them out.” She offered me a delightful antique chair and opened a Diet Cherry Coke. “The name’s Tink,” she said, and held out a delicate hand, made heavy with a sparkling ring on each finger.

Sleet, snow, and a pissed off pussy cat . . .

WE HAD A 4-inch snowfall on Valentine’s Day, 2004, and it looks like this year’s going to be a repeat. Yeah, I

I am not amused.

know. All my Yankee friends snort with laughter at how the whole city shuts down over less than half a foot. And I say, yeah, well, come on down in August when it’s 112-degrees and you can’t even leave the house without sweatin’ like a pig.

 

Of course, we in the south don’t sweat. We perspire.

But back to the cold. The sleet is slicking down the windows–has been all day, and the weather wienies say it’s gonna snow tonight.

Luckily, Chap is of the mindset that he’s prepared for every kind of disaster, so we won’t have to run into to town for bread, beef or beer. We’ll just hunker down and drink hot cocoa and watch John Wayne movies. Or, if he gets his way (which he won’t) golf.

So, we’ll spend the day inside–or I will anyway–observing various varmints enjoying–or not enjoying–the cold, wet weather . . .

Bodhi spent the morning romping in the mud . . .

The birds remained undaunted . . .

The deer ducked for cover . . .

And Atticus demanded an explanation . . . he got one, but not to his satisfaction. Tonight we’re looking at a “Foul Winter Weather Advisory,” so we’ll keep the fire roaring, get the animals bedded down, and wonder if we’ll wake to a rare Central Texas Winter Wonderland. And open up an extra can of Little Friskies . . .

 

Eagles, seagulls and a creature named Pan…

LIVING IN THE middle of nowhere has its trade-offs. Sometimes I get a little down that I’m so far away from my friends. And Starbucks. And a grocery store.

It’s been a long day. Some of it good, some of it not so good–Chap was being a butthead for a good portion of the morning, and I’m still congratulating myself for not kicking him the leg. The end of football season is hard on the whole household, particularly for those of us who used that time to get some writing done.

 

But the good things tend to take your breath away.

Atticus spent the late morning keeping a close eye on the deer . . .

And the seagulls . . .

And there was a squirrel . . . apparently . . .

And we had another visitor–a “Black Buck” (a kind of antelope) who probably escaped from LBJ’s ranch, which is not very far from here.  I’ve seen him (her?) hanging around twice now, and so, he’s officially part of the family. His name is Pan.

 

But the lesson for the day, was the eagles. We’ve been to see them several times this February, but they’ll be leaving soon. The little ones aren’t so little anymore, and they’re preparing to fly . . .hopping in a gangly, un-regal manner,  and flapping their wings furiously, building up muscle, readying for the day they’ll take flight.

Mama Eagle waiting for reinforcements . . . eagles mate for life and take turns caring for and feeding their young . . .

It really does take your breath away, watching the eaglets grow. And even more breathtaking to watch their ungainly but undaunted journey toward the day they will soar with their parents . . .

I did not voice these thoughts as we sat in the frigid air, watching the birds. But shortly after we left, Chap seemed to have a change of mood. Probably thinking about his own children.

And after the eagles . . . there was peace.

 

On Writing: Begin a semi-epic love scene . . .

YESTERDAY WE TALKED about The Ordinary World and The Call To Adventure. Next in Vogler’s

Logan--a mentor and love interest--issues Cauley two Calls to Adventure--one is to solve a mystery, the second is a Call to Romance

Hero’s Journey is: 3. They are RELUCTANT at first or REFUSE THE CALL, but 4. are encouraged by a MENTOR

 

The term Call To Adventure can be misleading. In most novels, there are several if not many Calls to Adventure.

In the next example, again, from SCOOP, Cauley is issued and rejects two Calls to Adventure. The first, and more obvious, is that she’s involved herself in figuring out if a friend committed suicide or if he was murdered. That’s the External Call. The Internal Call is the Call to Romance–one of the best kinds of adventure.

Order of these two is very important. Remember the movie Ghost? It’s a great example of solving the mystery before tying up the romance. And the little switcheroo there at the end, when Patrick Swayze goes to Heaven, and he finally tells her he loves her, and it’s her turn to say what he always said in life instead of I love you: “Ditto.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. To refresh your memory, here’s the last scene. (it’s even sadder now that Patrick Swayze has passed, but you get the idea)

 

Example of Two Calls to Adventure (External and Internal) and the refusal of both from SCOOP:

~

“Tough luck, kid,” Logan said, and grinned as he took in my disheveled state. I wrapped the robe tighter around me.

Grimacing, he sniffed the air. “Somebody break in again?”

“No,” I said. “My friends were burning sage, trying to cleanse my house of evil spirits.”

“Did it work?”

“Depends on how you look at it. What do you want?” I said, and cringed at my snippy tone.

Logan shook his head. “You lead an interesting life, Cauley MacKinnon.”

“I’m ready for un-interesting. I was thinking of finding a nice, boring accountant, getting married and moving to the middle of a Kansas cornfield.”

Logan snorted. “Yeah. That’ll happen.”

“You don’t think I could marry an accountant?”

“I don’t think you’d be happy with a boring life.”

Without asking, he settled on the sofa. I joined him and we stared at the television, where Lauren Bacall was busy slapping the living daylights out of Edward G. Robinson. The gangster looked like he was going to kill her when Bogey stepped in.

I sighed. “Do you think Bogey really loved Bacall the way everybody makes out they did?”

“I don’t see why not.”

I watched the screen as it flickered in black and white clarity. “It’s a big fat fairy tale. Nobody really believes in that stuff.”

Logan shrugged. “Sometimes they do.”

I turned and looked at him. “I’m sure you didn’t come by to watch old movies and talk philosophy.”

“I told you. I heard you were having a rough time.” “Have you been spying on me?” “Should I be?” I narrowed my eyes.

“Yeah, you caught me,” he said. “FBI agents have nothing better to do with their time than surveil private civilians.”

I was half thinking about smacking him when he smiled. I had to admit. He had a really great smile.

“Hey,” he said. “You haven’t been calling my office and harassing my secretary for information. I thought I’d come by and see if you were okay.”

“And see if any big earless guys left confession notes on my doorstep?” I said.

“It was a thought.”

“Nothing to worry about,” I said. “I’m back to writing obituaries and off Barnes for good.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it, Logan. You were at the funeral. You heard her. Selena’s mother called me a murderer in front of God and half of Austin. She said it was my fault Scooter killed himself. It would take an act of God to get me involved again.”

Logan nodded. “I don’t think I’d blame myself for someone else’s actions.”

“Obviously you don’t know me very well.”

“You hear from your customs agent?” I stared at him. He’d almost growled when he said that. Maybe there was hope after all.

“No,” I said, trying not to smile. “Right now I’m just slothing around feeling sorry for myself.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Prove Scooter didn’t kill himself.”

“Easier said than done.” Logan rose. “Give it some time, kid.”

Thunder rolled on the horizon and lightning flashed bright through the wide living room window. Logan looked down at me. “An act of God, huh?”

“A specific act of God.” I pulled my robe tightly around me and walked Logan to the door, Marlowe trotting alongside. I felt miserable and cold and I was about to be alone. Again.

Looking out the door, Logan turned to me. “Storm’s getting close,” he said. I shrugged, but tipped my face skyward and I could smell the threat of rain. Logan stepped onto the porch and turned back to me. “You need anything, you call. I’ll be there.”

I nodded. The problem was, I wasn’t sure what I needed, but I was pretty sure I was the only one who could give it to me.

 

On Writing: How to grab your reader by the nose

LET’S TALK ABOUT running your character up a tree, then burning the tree in you revision process. You’ve got two “arcs,” or peaks in you novel. The external, which is the story arc, and the internal, or the character arc. Next month–in March, I’m going to be teaching a step-by-step class for Low Country Romance Writers that will include videos and handouts (the class is $16) on how to write a book in one month.

Grab your reader by the nose and yank them into the story . . .

Today we’re talking about story structure–in the class, we’ll go through this in more detail. . .

Using Chris Vogler’s Hero’s Journey, take stock of your story.

The External Arc Checklist:

1. Heroes are introduced in the ORDINARY WORLD

2. They receive the CALL TO ADVENTURE

3. They are RELUCTANT at first or REFUSE THE CALL, but

4. are encouraged by a MENTOR to

5. CROSS THE THRESHOLD and enter the Special World, where

6. They encounter TEST, ALLIES, AND ENEMIES.

7. They APPROACH THE IN-MOST CAVE, cross a second threshold

8. Where they endure the ORDEAL

9. They take possession of their REWARD and

10. Are pursued on THE ROAD BACK to the Ordinary World.

11. They cross the third threshold, experience a RESURRECTION, and are

12. Transformed by the experience.

13. They RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR, a boon or treasure to benefit the ORDINARY WORLD.

Chris Vogler's Hero's Journey Story Arch

 

 

Today, we’ll talk about Steps One and Two, using SCOOP as an example.

Using this Journey as your Revision Check List:

1. THE ORDINARY WORLD: Is your Ordinary World vivid, compelling and believable?

2. THE CALL TO ADVENTURE.  Something shakes up the situation, either from external pressures or from something rising up from deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings of change—is yours compelling? Does it spur your reader on?

Think of these two steps in the Hero’s Journey as Harry Potter’s pensieve, the bowl in Potter’s world that, when you lean to look in, the story in the bowl grabs you by the nose and yanks you headfirst into the story.

~I often blend 1 and 2, so that the reader is immediately caught up in the action:

Example from SCOOP

Chapter One

I ducked under the crime scene tape the way I always do, like I know exactly what I’m doing, but this time I was a little more careful on account of the black-clad SWAT guys drawing down around the perimeter. Sometimes I think the only things standing between me and certain doom are instinct, pure dumb luck and a kick ass hairdresser.

“Little early aren’t you, Cauley?” Jim Cantu was lounging against his cruiser looking like a Hispanic Marlboro Man as he surveyed the rugged limestone hills and gnarled oaks at the back of the Barnes’ ranch. “What we got here is your basic suicide threat,” he continued, squinting into the hot, Central Texas sun. “Don’t obituaries get written after somebody’s turned up a corpse?”

“This isn’t for the Sentinel,” I said, swatting dirt from the seat of my jeans. “Scooter called me this morning and said he wanted to talk.”

“Doesn’t matter. No media behind the line,” he said, nodding toward the SWAT guys. “You’re lucky you didn’t get shot.” “Calling me media is pure charity on your part,” I said. “And I almost never get shot.”

Cantu grinned down at me as I settled in beside him. Every now and then, Cantu cuts me a break, because once upon a time, he’d been a rookie beat cop when my dad was a detective and he sometimes steps in where my dad left off.

Cantu and I stood, staring at the tumble of weathered planks of the shed where Scott Barnes had holed up, presumably sucking on the business end of a shotgun.

This wasn’t the earth-shattering incident it might seem elsewhere in the world. Here, you don’t ask if you have any crazy people in the family. You ask which side they’re on. In Texas, we believe our own myths, and the wet heat of summer presses heavily on already fanciful minds.

***

We’re immediately swept into Cauley’s world. We see her idea of an Ordinary World, and at the same time, we get a picture of who she is—an obituary writer—an idea of her character—she’s spunky enough to slip into a crime scene, even when it’s surrounded by a SWAT team.

We get a picture of Texas the way she sees it—hot, humid and fanciful.

We also get an idea of what kind of story it’s going to be—an adventure, because she’s about to confront a suicidal man with a shotgun, and we get a pretty good idea that it’s a Janet Evanovich-style comedy from her internal dialogue—her observation of herself and her surroundings.

Tomorrow, we’ll see an example of how the Refusal and Accepting The Call works . . .

 

On Writing: Grab your reader by the nose-revising with The Hero’s Journey

LET’S TALK ABOUT running your character up a tree, then burning the tree in you revision process. You’ve got two “arcs,” or peaks in you novel. The external, which is the story arc, and the internal, or the character arc. Next month–in March, I’m going to be teaching a step-by-step class for Low Country Romance Writers for $16 on how to write a book in one month. Today we’re talking about story structure–in the class, we’ll go through this in more detail. . .

Chris Vogler's Hero's Journey Story Arch

 

Using Chris Vogler’s Hero’s Journey, take stock of your story.

The External Arc Checklist:

1. Heroes are introduced in the ORDINARY WORLD

2. They receive the CALL TO ADVENTURE

3. They are RELUCTANT at first or REFUSE THE CALL, but

4. are encouraged by a MENTOR to

5. CROSS THE THRESHOLD and enter the Special World, where

6. They encounter TEST, ALLIES, AND ENEMIES.

7. They APPROACH THE IN-MOST CAVE, cross a second threshold

8. Where they endure the ORDEAL

9. They take possession of their REWARD and

10. Are pursued on THE ROAD BACK to the Ordinary World.

11. They cross the third threshold, experience a RESURRECTION, and are

12. Transformed by the experience.

13. They RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR, a boon or treasure to benefit the ORDINARY WORLD.

 

Today, we’ll talk about Steps One and Two, using SCOOP as an example.

Using this Journey as your Revision Check List:

1. THE ORDINARY WORLD: Is your Ordinary World vivid, compelling and believable?

2. THE CALL TO ADVENTURE.  Something shakes up the situation, either from external pressures or from something rising up from deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings of change—is yours compelling? Does it spur your reader on?

Think of these two steps in the Hero’s Journey as Harry Potter’s pensieve, the bowl in Potter’s world that, when you lean to look in, the story in the bowl grabs you by the nose and yanks you headfirst into the story.

~I often blend 1 and 2, so that the reader is immediately caught up in the action:

Example from SCOOP

Chapter One

I ducked under the crime scene tape the way I always do, like I know exactly what I’m doing, but this time I was a little more careful on account of the black-clad SWAT guys drawing down around the perimeter. Sometimes I think the only things standing between me and certain doom are instinct, pure dumb luck and a kick ass hairdresser.

“Little early aren’t you, Cauley?” Jim Cantu was lounging against his cruiser looking like a Hispanic Marlboro Man as he surveyed the rugged limestone hills and gnarled oaks at the back of the Barnes’ ranch. “What we got here is your basic suicide threat,” he continued, squinting into the hot, Central Texas sun. “Don’t obituaries get written after somebody’s turned up a corpse?”

“This isn’t for the Sentinel,” I said, swatting dirt from the seat of my jeans. “Scooter called me this morning and said he wanted to talk.”

“Doesn’t matter. No media behind the line,” he said, nodding toward the SWAT guys. “You’re lucky you didn’t get shot.” “Calling me media is pure charity on your part,” I said. “And I almost never get shot.”

Cantu grinned down at me as I settled in beside him. Every now and then, Cantu cuts me a break, because once upon a time, he’d been a rookie beat cop when my dad was a detective and he sometimes steps in where my dad left off.

Cantu and I stood, staring at the tumble of weathered planks of the shed where Scott Barnes had holed up, presumably sucking on the business end of a shotgun.

This wasn’t the earth-shattering incident it might seem elsewhere in the world. Here, you don’t ask if you have any crazy people in the family. You ask which side they’re on. In Texas, we believe our own myths, and the wet heat of summer presses heavily on already fanciful minds.

***

We’re immediately swept into Cauley’s world. We see her idea of an Ordinary World, and at the same time, we get a picture of who she is—an obituary writer—an idea of her character—she’s spunky enough to slip into a crime scene, even when it’s surrounded by a SWAT team.

We get a picture of Texas the way she sees it—hot, humid and fanciful.

We also get an idea of what kind of story it’s going to be—an adventure, because she’s about to confront a suicidal man with a shotgun, and we get a pretty good idea that it’s a Janet Evanovich-style comedy from her internal dialogue—her observation of herself and her surroundings.

Tomorrow, we’ll see an example of how the Refusal and Accepting The Call works . . .

 

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